I think it's time for some introspection...that and i'm putting off reviewing cell bio...
Well, this month has definitely been a drastic change from the past other months. Honestly i can say i feel a little more in control of things in my life. But that's just a little. I feel i've gotten down some sort of routine for the quarter to balance studying and friends and other obligations, which is definitely a good sign. I also feel i haven't been as complaining as much. I hate it when i realize that the things i say to people seem like gripes, whines, and bitching. However, it is somewhat difficult to be all happy-peppy with whatever mutated form of depression i have. And yeah, i haven't been happy. I feel severed, disheveled, out of the loop, discarded, amputated. I seem to have lost one of the most important people in my life, and the comfort level between us has just simply vanished into oblivion. Friends shouldn't have so much trouble seeing how one's day was and telling about it, or what they thought of certain things, or asking for help. Things like that should not feel so formal, contrived, and uncomfortable. When i share things, i shouldn't feel like i'm bragging or showing off....that's why it's called sharing...the other person should give and take too, right? Being rigid and non-negotiable isn't a healthy way of living...to live without compromise...that scares me. It may seem like being true to the self and having strong beliefs, but something just seems wrong with it. Not having an open mind, or a willingness to sacrifice or change? Tragic, isn't it? I've been trying so hard to move on, because i do recognize that moping and whining doesn't lead anywhere, and it's a waste of time that can be spent studying or something. I'm such a nerd. It's hard to break out of such a rut.
I realized the big picture of "My December" a couple days ago at Pippin...one guy behind me in line was telling his friend about the lyrics of the song...how december is a desolate, barren month in the cold, dry season of winter...pretending that being alone is sufficient for living. Wishing things were different, taking things back...just to have someone to love, some security...not wanting to miss out on the other person...isn't Linkin Park wonderful? They hit things so straight on you don't know how it hit you.
Well, this month has definitely been a drastic change from the past other months. Honestly i can say i feel a little more in control of things in my life. But that's just a little. I feel i've gotten down some sort of routine for the quarter to balance studying and friends and other obligations, which is definitely a good sign. I also feel i haven't been as complaining as much. I hate it when i realize that the things i say to people seem like gripes, whines, and bitching. However, it is somewhat difficult to be all happy-peppy with whatever mutated form of depression i have. And yeah, i haven't been happy. I feel severed, disheveled, out of the loop, discarded, amputated. I seem to have lost one of the most important people in my life, and the comfort level between us has just simply vanished into oblivion. Friends shouldn't have so much trouble seeing how one's day was and telling about it, or what they thought of certain things, or asking for help. Things like that should not feel so formal, contrived, and uncomfortable. When i share things, i shouldn't feel like i'm bragging or showing off....that's why it's called sharing...the other person should give and take too, right? Being rigid and non-negotiable isn't a healthy way of living...to live without compromise...that scares me. It may seem like being true to the self and having strong beliefs, but something just seems wrong with it. Not having an open mind, or a willingness to sacrifice or change? Tragic, isn't it? I've been trying so hard to move on, because i do recognize that moping and whining doesn't lead anywhere, and it's a waste of time that can be spent studying or something. I'm such a nerd. It's hard to break out of such a rut.
I realized the big picture of "My December" a couple days ago at Pippin...one guy behind me in line was telling his friend about the lyrics of the song...how december is a desolate, barren month in the cold, dry season of winter...pretending that being alone is sufficient for living. Wishing things were different, taking things back...just to have someone to love, some security...not wanting to miss out on the other person...isn't Linkin Park wonderful? They hit things so straight on you don't know how it hit you.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home