i just watched tv for a few hours to try to get my mind off other things. doesn't really work if the material presented strikes a chord from within. Ally McBeal is a good show. i like how humor and drama/seriouness/thought-provoking ideas are intertwined so fluidly. so part of the episode deals with death and coping...i know i shouldn't compare my situation to anything about death, but yeah, it struck a chord....has something died inside me? half of me? part of my heart? and it'll never come back? will it live on inside? can it ever be replaced?

and the cynicism arises too...what is it to give so much of yourself (or yourself and a half, wholeheartedly), only to have it taken away? in the end, does it even matter?